Would you like your Child's sleep to be a bit more consistent?
If you would you like your child’s sleep to be a bit more consistent, these tips are for you!
Firstly I want to manage expectations- there’s a lot of talk that infant sleep should be super consistent all the time.
And this can cause you a lot of stress when you think you are doing something wrong and your Small isn’t doing what they’re supposed to!
But I’m always honest that your Small’s sleep can be naturally inconsistent and you have very little control over consistency.
What little control we have over the consistency of sleep actually comes from us - not our Smalls!
Things to consider if your child’s sleep is inconsistent
If your Small’s sleep is super inconsistent for a chunk of time (not just the occasional blip!) here are some things for you to think about and try:
1. What does their ‘wake-up window’ look like?
It’s normal for their wake-up time to vary each day and I don’t expect them to start their day at exactly the same time each morning. But if their wake-up window varies massively (by more than an hour or so), especially after an unsettled night it might be worth trying to close the window and wake them within the same hour each day. This can really support their circadian rhythm and encourage a bit more consistency to the structure of their day and bedtime.
2. Are they napping more than needed?
This can be a bit of the old classic chicken and egg cycle. They have a super unsettled night, the next day they are shattered ( as are you!) and they sleep for longer during the day than they might really need. Then because they’ve slept for longer during their day this may impact their bedtime and night wakes. It’s normal for their naps to fluctuate and l don’t expect them to wake at exactly the same time every day! But if this resonates and you feel they are over over-compensating naps after an unsettled night you could try capping them back a bit or waking them within roughly the same 30 minute window. So we’re giving them a bit more nap if they need it but not over over-compensating!
3. Does how they fall asleep at bedtime look different every day?
Again it’s so normal for this to vary each day and look a bit different for different people but if you have a lot of ways of setting your Small at bedtime sometimes streamlining this and making it a bit more simple can help. My suggestion would be to think about what gets your Small to sleep the majority of the time because that’s probably their preference and then slowly works towards doing that most of time.
5. Is your support consistent when they wake?
I totally understand you’re not a robot either and it’s normal for what you do to vary when they wake. Sometimes it’s completely out of our control anyway because we’re on autopilot! But if sleep is super inconsistent and you feel how you respond is all over the place my suggestion would be to ‘roll up your response’ when they wake, which looks like this…
How to respond when your child wakes in the night, to tackle inconsistent sleep:
When they wake and make a noise ask yourself ‘what are they trying to communicate to me?’
If they’re awake but emotionally easy and not crying, give them the chance to settle back to sleep themselves.
If they are emotionally uneasy and crying it’s always ok to support them straight away.
Make eye contact, use your voice, and reassure them verbally first.
If that doesn’t work, try to settle them in their cot or bed with physical contact or cuddling close. Even if this is super brief it’s a positive practice to put in place.
If that’s not settling them pick them, cuddle and soothe before trying again.
If that doesn’t work, feed them all the way back to sleep or do what you need to for everyone’s sleep and sanity
The last thing I want to add is none of these are magic hacks to getting your child’s sleep more consistent. My content only scrapes the surface of my 25 years of experience and every Small is different. You aren’t doing anything wrong if these don’t work but I really hope they help!
Need more support with supporting your child to fall asleep alone?
My bedtime boundaries course talks you through all the steps you need to move away from feeding, rocking or patting to sleep to your child falling asleep alone in their sleep space
And FYI there’s no talk of sleep training or leaving them to cry themselves to sleep.
