Split nights in babies and toddlers
Does your Small have split nights - waking in the night and staying awake for a long time?
If so, you aren’t alone and this post is for you!
What is a split night in babies and toddlers?
If your Small has an awake period for an hour plus it sounds like they’re having a split night or what I’ve fondly come to call the parent party 🎉
Though, let me be totally honest, it’s not much of a party for you!
They can happen at any stage of the night but they usually happen post-midnight. The most common time for a parent party is between 2 and 3 am. This is when there’s a huge drop in your baby or toddler’s sleep pressure and hormones.
They may get upset during this time.
However, it’s more common they’re wide awake and want to play and partay!
Split nights can be super frustrating and make you feel like you’re all alone.
But I promise you won’t be the only ones awake having a parent party.
Why is your baby or toddler having a split night?
Like most things on my approach, there really isn’t a one-size-fits-all explanation as to why a split night happens.
And there could be various reasons why your Small is having one.
But the three most common causes for a split night in babies and toddlers are:
Big developmental leap. If they’re learning a new skill or having a big progression with their development they may want to practice their skills during the night.
Bedtime is too early. For some Smalls if they go to bed on the earlier side they won’t have enough sleep pressure behind them to see them through the whole night and this can cause a split sleep situation.
Too much sleep during the day. Your Small only has a maximum amount of sleep they need in 24 hours AKA their bed bank. And if they get too much nap in during the day it can lead to a long awake period during the night.
How to help stop split nights in babies and toddlers
I’m always honest in any advice I give, and it’s true that you could try all the tips and your Small would still have a split night.
It’s just where they’re at developmentally with their sleep right now.
And yep I know that’s probably not what you wanted to hear but I’ll always be honest!
However, here’s some things to try:
If they’re going through a learning leap or exploring a new skill give them lots of opportunities and time during the day to practice them
If they’re going to bed on the earlier side and falling asleep before 7/7.15 pm trial a later bedtime. You can always do this super slowly and push it later by 15 minutes every 3-5 days.
Check naps aren’t being overcompensated. The day after a parent party you’re tired, your Small is tired and it’s so normal to worry they aren’t getting enough sleep. And they take a longer nap than they really need and this can cause a cycle of split nights. If this resonates with you wake them from their nap 15/20 minutes earlier for a few days and check in to see what’s happening with the awake time. If it reduces in length even if it’s a short amount you’re likely onto something and you can continue to cap the nap
Watch the morning wake window. If they’re awake for a long time especially in the later part of the night it’s quite common for them to want to sleep in later to compensate. But this comes back to their bed bank and overcompensating again and can keep you in a cycle of split nights. If this makes sense to you wake them up a bit earlier in the morning for 7-10 days to see if it helps the split.
What to do when you find yourself in a parent party (aka a split night!)?
The best thing for a parent party is to try and prevent it. Once they’re wide awake the only option really is to ride it out!
But prevention is not always possible, so if you find yourself in a parent party:
😌 Focus on finding your calm
I know this is FAR easier said than done but chances are the calmer you are the calmer your Small will be. And sleep is more likely to happen when they are in a calm state.
Keep the lights low
This can help keep them calm and in a sleepy state. The more light the less melatonin they produce! Also light signals to their sleep system it’s daytime which can confuse their circadian rhythm.
Be a bit boring
It’s always ok to interact, chat, cuddle, reassure them and make eye contact. But try to avoid actively playing and doing activities
Stay in their sleep space
If possible stay in their bedroom or sleep space, keep it calm, dark and low-key.
But being in the bedroom can take it’s toll if it’s been a long time. So if you do need a change of scenery for your sanity that’s ok. But keep the space as calm and dark as possible
Take off the sleep pressure for a bit
Trying to get them back to bed when they aren’t able to sleep can be frustrating for you both so take a breather for a bit
If they’re showing sleepy signs try to resettle
If they yawn a couple of times or look really tired try to settle them back to sleep . But if it’s not happening after 20/30 minutes max take a breather again and do the above
things to remember about split nights…
Moving away from split nights usually takes time and I’d suggest doing one of the strategies above and sticking with it for at least 7-10 days.
It will likely take more than one try of doing something to see a difference - change is rarely instant!
And it’s really normal for your Small (and you!) to be a little more tired during this process, because for a short amount of time they will be getting less sleep until they adjust. But this is usually only temporary and the trade-off is you move away from the split night cycle.
I really hope this gives you something to think about and try - drop me a message to let me know how you got on!
